


A Dream Under Cover of Night

by Introspex



Series: Life Normally, as a Ghoul [3]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Cunnilingus, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Erotica, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lemon, Post-Canon, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, SeiAki, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:14:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26277004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Introspex/pseuds/Introspex
Summary: "He revealed himself far up the trail, sporting a far-too-trendy-looking pair of espadrilles and track pants, marching more conspicuously than he needed to. She felt patronized by this clear attempt to not spook her. Though, to be fair, his ghastly appearance stalking in and out of the shadows would be an unsettling visage for even the most seasoned investigator. The thought that he was aware of his own arresting appearance wrenched her heart.“Takizawa…” her voice was barely a whisper carried to him by the wind."Akira and Seidou meet in the privacy of the forest, post Dragon War.
Relationships: Mado Akira/Takizawa Seidou
Series: Life Normally, as a Ghoul [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1909117
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. Delivery

**Author's Note:**

> Real talk folks, Takizawa's ending in the manga left me feeling so empty, and the TG:Re anime adaptation left so much to be desired, that I paused to shelf the whole fandom for a bit.
> 
> Now, thanks to the magic of quarantine, I am finishing the anime, revisiting some old panels, and digging up old fics- ready to write these two the ending I wish they had.
> 
> With healthy dose of smut of course.
> 
> Some canon divergence regarding scar formation in ghouls, and for all I know maybe some inaccuracy of timeline, I didn't pay too close attention.

He looked healthier than when she had last seen him, but just as severe.

_“The forest preserve is a massive place, how will I know where to find you?”_

_“I’ll find you.”_

So here they were, in the dead of night, just one (painfully long) week after his visit to her recovery quarters. They were deep in a forest frequented by neither ghouls nor the ghoul hunters that seek them.

He revealed himself far up the trail, sporting a far-too-trendy-looking pair of espadrilles and track pants and marching more conspicuously than he needed to. It was a clear attempt to avoid spooking her, and Akira found this patronizing. Though, to be fair, his ghastly appearance stalking in and out of the shadows would be an unsettling visage for even the most seasoned investigator. The thought that he was aware of his own arresting appearance wrenched her heart.

“Takizawa…” her voice was barely a whisper carried to him by the wind.

She was met only by the absence of his steps on the rocks when he decided he had advanced close enough. Farther away than Mado wanted. But they regarded each other as two people allowing the other a wide berth- a safety zone. Thinking back on their human lives, was this really any different than how things used to be?

Finally, he answered. “I’m glad to see you’re well.”

“Thanks to you.”

“ _No_ thanks to me.” Seidou tossed a gym bag onto the ground between them. “Your things.” He shuffled his feet, adding “Amon already fucked up your balcony… So it was easy enough for me to, uh...”

More silence. A million words fought to leave Akira’s mouth, but bottlenecked at her lips. _Thank you. Just say ‘Thank you’ for goodness sake!_ Such simple words felt empty and she bemoaned the shortcomings of language.

“I tried to kill you. Then you go and nearly get yourself killed trying to shield me.” He cursed himself. “As if your fragile human excuse for a body could have been any help!”

His shoes crunched dirt as he took a step back.

She advanced, bypassing the bag. “It did the job, didn’t it?!”

Frustration made Akira's throat tight, but then she took a breath. There’s already been enough anger between the two of them. “I heard what you did to get me the suppressants. And what you did for Amon... He remembers it, vividly, and hates himself for losing control. He loves you.”

Only his lower half was visible in the moonlight. She saw him shift his weight, always away from her.

“And so do I.” Please don’t leave again, Takizawa. "You know that, right?"

If she didn’t know any better, she’d have thought he was a statue. Not even the sound of his breathing was audible. _Say something_ , she thought. The silence was agonizing. The _distance_ was agonizing. She needed to close it. Her heart hammered in her chest but, summoning the gumption she relies on in combat, she willed herself forward. He took another faltering step back but she appreciated that he fought the urge to flee.

Now his face was visible under the hood, illuminated by ambient light. His hard jaw was set and his eyes were wide, alert, locked onto hers. He never would have held her gaze like this before. His eyes, from deep in their sockets, peered unblinkingly in a way that wasn't entirely human. God, with his wispy locks, his ghostly white skin and luminous eyes, he-

-he was both infernal and divine. That untapped well in her began to bubble.

“I didn’t do it for him,” he mouthed, and she would have missed it had she not been so attentive. In the darkness, the way the forest swallowed all sounds but theirs, she could hear his tongue and the wetness of his mouth clicking with each consonant. “I did it for you.”

That bubbling well, bubbling over-

 _You have no idea,_ she wanted to say, _you have no idea how I’ve imagined you, languishing in Kanou’s lab- the things they might have done to you as I slept safely in my bed. How lonely, how hopeless you must have felt, and when you thought of me…_

_Did you think of me?_

_When you could have run with the RC suppressants but chose to stay and recover Amon instead, you did it for me?_

He glanced from her eyes, to her mouth when she opened it to speak, and back to her eyes when she abandoned the effort, tears blurring her vision-

_I am to blame. I let you run to your death._

-threatening to spill down her cheeks-

_How could you do anything for my sake, after a lifetime of animosity? After a lifetime of me rubbing my superiority in your face, sitting from atop my pedestal, pretending I wasn’t enjoying the competition?_

The ground tilted, and the trees spun around her. Her body tipped toward the skulking ghoul and he caught her reflexively, lowering gently to the ground with her. Now with her face buried in his chest, and with her shoulders quaking in grief, she couldn’t bear to show her face. He let her have her moment.

Mado swallowed, breath warming his clothes, and asked, “How did it happen…?”

She heard the rustle of his jacket, then silence.

“... How did what happen?” he whispered in reply. They both spoke so softly, as if stalking something precious that could be frightened away by the slightest of sounds.

“I want to see it,” she was limp in his arms, “the first wounds- they always... Leave their trace, before the human body fully yields to the implanted kakuhou.” She wept softly, “How did you die? Seidou, I-”

 _Seidou_.

“Seidou I need to know how you died. I need to know where,” she breathed, clawing at his shirt with tremoring hands, “Where? Was it here?” His chest? His stomach? His neck? Where did the blood leave his body? What was the fate she left him to all those years ago?

Almost a minute passed and still he didn’t move or respond. She felt so self conscious, so ashamed of herself for even asking such a thing. “God, I’m so sorry, I-”

“Say my name.”

"What?" Did she hear him correctly?

“Say it again. Say my name. My _given_ name.”

She gathered herself, swallowing a sob, and gurgled as if drowning in the word, “Seidou. _Seidou_.” The only word which carried the weight and meaning of everything she needed to say.

He shifted her then, cradling her head in the crook of his right shoulder as he reached his left hand up to unbutton his jacket. Nimble fingers untied the string at his collar and hesitated only briefly before pulling the shirt down his shoulder. His response was a single word:

“Noro.”

Akira gasped, knowing exactly what he meant without him having to tell her. It’s worse than she even imagined. From the center of his collarbone, in a crescent path down the middle of his pectoral muscle and disappearing beneath the rest of his clothes, was a line that demarcated old skin from new. The old skin was taut over the muscle but with an appropriate amount of subcutaneous fat to smooth the curves of his torso. Meanwhile the new skin-

- _where he was eaten_ , she mused darkly-

\- was papery thin, and inconsistent in texture. It left nothing to the imagination, showing the muscle fibers and cartilage. Even the veins were so clearly visible she could see them pulse with the force of each heartbeat. His heart was racing.

“I’m so _sorry_ ,” she choked, placing one hand protectively over the enormous bite wound, while she tugged his shirt back into place. His head lolled to the side, and he turned it to look at her. He was frowning, eyes tight with the rage of an awful memory. But then a positively wicked smile crept across his face. “It’s ok Akira. He got what was coming to him.”

She shuddered- he was so close his breath warmed her cheeks, and her hand was still tucked under his shirt, skin on skin. She wanted him just like this- _vulnerable, intimate, truthful_ \- but she wasn’t sure how comfortable she was with the look on his face. The look of a bloodlust satisfied.

She wasn’t sure of very much at all these days. If not for hate, what did she have left inside? Akira was beyond her own body, surveying the landscape of neglected emotions that have always lived in her, waiting for their chance to surface. She selected the ones that orbited Takizawa, and wrapped herself in them, unwilling to name them but indulging in them nonetheless.

“You’ve lost all the softness of boyhood..."

She slid her hand, _back and forth back and forth_ , stroking his old wounds, stroking from the old flesh to the new, and back again. Seidou’s eyes rolled back into his head, fluttering shut. He likes it.

Akira decided she does too.


	2. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: rape, references to rape, please don't read if this could at all compromise your emotional health and safety.

There was nothing now but the two of them, in the embrace of a darkened forest. Akira watched Seidou’s adam’s apple bob before craning her neck to press her mouth to it. The sound of his groan reverberated low in his throat; she could feel it through her lips, and through her hands which rested still on his chest.

She mouthed down his neck, and then up, up, gripping his shoulders to hoist herself higher until she was chest to chest with him. Now, with her ear by his lips, she could catch every subtle sound he made. And Akira, for her part, let her own satisfaction be known, like a secret whispered into the junction of his jaw and ear:

A sigh. A breath, so salacious she could barely believe it came from her own mouth.

This unraveled him. He clawed into the ample flesh of her hips and flipped her beneath him, her head smashing into the ground with enough force she saw stars (thank goodness they were on leafy detritus, and not the rocky trail).

“Ouch! Takizawa-”

The man positioned himself with such speed, hip bones crushing her inner thighs, that it took her a long moment to identify something- something even harder which was bruising her core.

This knowledge sent electricity straight through her, arching her spine. It raced through the pit of her gut and between her legs, where she tensed and felt the spreading wetness. He was grinding into her now-

-his cock, _his_ cock grinding, oh-

\- and the wetness allowed her folds to spread, bringing her sweet spot ever closer to the part of him that was giving her pleasure. Now, only the barest of threads, dampened by her need, were what separated the two of them. The two most vulnerable parts of their bodies, ready join at any moment.

Even now, despite her head spinning, her vision clouding and blood rushing to the place between her legs, she could make out the details: his length, his girth, the smooth upward curve of him. She would go mad if she didn’t touch him, if she didn’t find the silky skin and coat him in her own slickness.

But she froze. She had looked into his eyes and did not see her own loving desire reflected.

“Seidou?”

She made to lift her head but found her hair was locked in his fist, pinning her to the ground. His eyes were lidded, barely focused, looking at her not as a woman, or even as a human, _but as a meal_.

Panic rose in her throat. “Seidou,” she warned, her fighting reflexes winding her whole body tight, “Seidou talk to me. Tell me what’s happening.”

His voice was low and dangerous.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve," he said, eyes drinking her in, skating down her body. “You say you’re a virgin?”

She swallowed. Hard.

“Well I’m not.” He was still stiff between her legs, though now she was suddenly grateful for the cloth protecting her. “Would you like to hear about my first time?”

He leaned down, whispering into her ear, “I woke up on a cold metal floor. I could smell a ghoul in the darkness.” He sniffed at Akira's neck and sighed something menacing. “It was the first time I realized I could identify ghouls by scent. I knew, somehow, this ghoul was hungry. And I knew, somehow, _somehow_ , that this ghoul was a woman.”

Takizawa didn’t cease the slow grinding of his hips while he told the story, “the both of us were weakened, drugged if I had to guess. My hands tingled, and my speed of my own pulse reminded me I was no longer human. When I felt my way to her, she was bent over and bound. It was by the sound of her struggling echoing off the walls that I could tell there was a mirror, or a window of something. _We were being watched_ ,” he emphasized this with a nuzzle to her neck, and Akira shuddered, fighting back a sob.

“I was appalled. I was sick to my stomach. I could have vomited. Maybe I did,” his tongue left a trail up her jaw, to her own mouth as he found her gaze. She was, for the first time in her life, immobilized with fear. She tried to look away but he wrenched her by the hair, forcing her to look at him.

“I _fucked_ her,” he growled, “and then I _ate_ her.”

Akira wept now and began to thrash beneath him, but he was like a boulder, unmoving and pinning her to the ground as if she barely struggled in the first place.

“Seidou please," she gasped, "please, I’m so sorry.. I-I had no idea-”

“You think I’ve done awful things? You don’t know the half of it,” he growled. Whatever precious thing was unfolding between them- it’s been scared away by now, and so he paid no mind to the volume of his voice. “Do you want this?” he crushed himself between her legs, so hard it burned. She would bruise at this rate. “ _This_ has been inside more women than you can count!” His eyes were wild now, troubled, clouding with tears, “ghouls, humans, sometimes I couldn’t even tell. I tried to keep track, tried to find any trace of them, of what happened to these people. Were they ok? Were they harboring some kind of- some kind of fucking _demon spawn_ that I had _cursed_ them with?”

He was hyperventilating. He was spiraling. Akira gripped his shoulders to steady him, and with her still trembling voice pleaded, “Seidou stop, please… It wasn’t your fault. Kanou was a sick, twisted man, and you got the _worst_ of his treatment."She pulled him down to rest his forehead on hers. "We’ve all done awful things, both voluntarily and not. Please,” she begged.

“You don’t understand,” his words were slurred now. His body slackened, hands burying lazily into her hair, he looked helpless as he groaned, “ _I loved it_.”

Akira’s brow knit in confusion.

“... Takizawa?”

His eyes were blank, devoid of anything now. “I loved it. It was the only source of pleasure in an endless pit of agony. It didn’t matter if I hurt them. It didn’t matter if they hated it, if they feared me, if I disgusted them. It felt good. It felt good on my body… And before long it felt good _just to hurt them._ ”

The energy had drained away from both of them, and Akira didn’t remember ever feeling so exhausted. She supported herself on her elbows, but didn’t push him away. “That makes sense.”

Now it was his turn to be confused.

She pulled down his hood, and though her lip still trembled, she tucked his hair behind his ear. Such a tender gesture. His eye twitched, but he was otherwise unresponsive. Still dead inside.

“It makes sense Seidou. You did what you had to do. Your _body_ did what it had to do, to survive itself.” Seidou’s face contorted with pain, he averted his gaze.

She continued, “No one in that lab had any choice in what they did. It was his aim to make you _think_ you did. But that’s how they break you.” Akira frowned, feeling her heart grow stone cold as she thought of Dr. Kanou. “It’s cunning. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he elevated it to some kind of sick art. In some ways, Seidou, I understand why you wish you were dead.”

He stared at her, shocked and bit hurt.

“If you hadn't survived the transplant, if you hadn't adapted so well, if you hadn’t been his crowning achievement- you would have escaped the worst of his experimentation. Like Amon did. Amon survived, more or less, with his heart intact. You can’t blame yourself for not being like him.” She sighed, and then mused darkly, “You finally got to be number one.”

Seidou blinked the bitter tears from his eyes. He made no noise, not a single shudder but- though the moonlight sapped them both of color- she could see the darkness in his cheeks and nose, his lips blotchy and cracked.

“Let it out,” Akira crooned, stroking his hair, “let the tears flow.”

“I am,” he replied, but the tears had already stopped. Some silent moments passed.

“No for real. Just wail like a baby,” she admonished him, “I’m prescribing this for your health, you idiot." She regarded him with mock sternness, adding "The stress hormone cortisol, as well as mood-regulating manganese, are released through tears.”

He snorted. “Well, I’ll fill that prescription another time.”

Seidou slumped unceremoniously beside Akira and silence settled over them once more. But this time it was comfortable, like a warm blanket spread over both of them. He leaned his head into her hand to encourage further petting, and she smiled. He seemed- almost, _almost_ \- like the kind of puppy he once enjoyed so much.

She watched him, content to play with his hair as he stared up at the moon, pensive.

After long moments he spoke. “They left me be once. Just once. Tossed me a bone and threw me in a cell that wasn’t monitored, with this frail human woman not much older than me. ‘Do what you wish,’ they said, ‘she’s of no use to us any more.’ And then they locked us in for the night.”

Akira continued to stroke his hair while she listened, softer than she thought it would be, smoothing the cowlick at the back of his head.

“And with the last threads of my humanity slipping away,” he ventured a sleepy glance at her, “d’you wanna know what I did?” Akira worried her lip at this new confession, unsure whether she could stomach any more. But she decided that if it’s a story he was telling, he needed to tell it, and she could be strong enough for that. For him. So she nodded.

He sat up and leaned over her, coming in close. She turned her ear to him, ready for him to whisper his darkest secret.

“I did this,” and he caught her lips with his.


	3. And Rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut before dawn. Akira has a proposition.

To say this man is full of surprises would have been an understatement. His was the slowest, most tender kiss she had ever experienced- barely a caress of his mouth over hers.

They continued this way, his lips whispering affection over hers, and everything seemed unreal. With only their lips making contact, every ounce of Akira’s focus was on the featherlight sensations she was receiving.

For all she cared, they could do this all night and she would die a happy woman, but he surprised her once more with the tip of his tongue over her bottom lip. Her quiet sigh told him this was ok, more than ok, and he tilted his chin to lock the kiss.

Akira’s heart fluttered, and they sighed simultaneously at the joy of connecting. The wet sounds of their lips pressing, gently sucking, tongues tentative but eager- it turned her stomach to sweet knots once again. She wanted more, wanted to devour him, _wanted him to devour her_ , but she stilled herself and gave him space.

He gathered her up, settling in close beside her, not terribly unlike how she laid by him that fateful day, wounded and ready to die if it meant preserving his humanity. Seidou sighed down her neck, fingers dancing over the swell of her breasts, her stomach.

“... and do you know what I did next?”

“What?” she breathed.

With agonizing slowness, he brushed his fingers past her navel, down the seam of trousers, to rest between her legs and trace the flesh of her still parted sex.

“I see,” she whimpered, fighting the urge to roll her hips into him. Seidou continued planting chaste kisses on her cheek, again and again, while his hand explored her. It was a bizarre pairing of gestures. And it was torture, but she relished it.

“Then,” he mumbled-

\- _theres more?_ -

“D’you wanna know what I did next?”

“Mmmhuh.” She was half delirious by now.

He traced his lips down her collarbone, to her breasts ( _yes, oh god please_ ) and past them ( _no, damnit!_ ), following the same path as his hand until ( _ok, ok yes_ ), his face was between her thighs and his fingers tucked under her waistband.

Seidou looked up at her, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you.” Then Akira watched in anticipation as he nuzzled into her folds through the damp cloth ( _Jesus Christ the contact_ ) and pulled the fabric- underwear and all- down her hips. He inhaled and whimpered. “I told her my name-”

“Seidou,” Akira sighed.

“Yeah… Just like that.” Takizawa slid the fabric over her knees, down her calves, parting her legs just enough for him to reach his treasure.

"And I said... I love you," with a single kiss to her lower lips.

The long anticipated contact was more delicious than Mado could have anticipated and she failed to stifle a deep, guttural moan. He leaned his cheek on her thigh and leveled sleepy eyes at her once more. With his slackened jaw, parted lips, and eyes dark with desire… It was the single, most erotic thing Akira had ever seen.

“I asked, ‘is this ok? I’ll stop.’ And y’know what she said?”

Akira breathed deeply, and replied, “It’s ok. Don’t stop.”

With that, Seidou’s mouth buried into her most tender flesh, and for the first time in her life ( _god another first_ ), she whimpered helplessly. His tongue slid flat against the entirety of her, laving down, up, and around the sensitive bundle of nerves. She shuddered and spread her legs wider to give him access.

She didn’t know how long he continued like this, never penetrating her, lavishing attention on the center of her pleasure. Sometimes he sucked, wrenching a pained sigh from her, but mostly he just massaged her, so gently. _Too gently!_ Akira thought, but checked herself. _It’s ok, just enjoy the moment. There's no endgame here._

Her pleasure came and went in waves, and he never tired of exploring her, kneading and clawing at her hips, comforting himself with her soft flesh. By now the forest was brightening, the threat of dawn on its way. She was ready to break him from his reverie- they both needed sleep.

“Takizawa…”

But he resisted when she tugged at his shirt collar. He groaned, a petulant sound, and suckled hard. She let out a grunt of pleasure and frustration, tugged at him again, “Seidou, it’s almost morn- aah-”

Her efforts only saw him latching more steadfastly onto her. She hadn’t realized how close to climax she had been hovering ( _this whole time??_ ) until his relentless sucking and kneading sent wave after wave of unbearable heat through her.

It was a slow building orgasm, and slow to recede. She floundered, riding his face with the most unladylike sounds, for what seemed like blissful minutes. Finally spent, she melted into the leaves beneath her.

“For the love of all that’s holy…”

Akira’s legs splayed, limp without his arms to hold them in place. He rested his head on her thigh like a pillow, carefully stroking the swollen lips.

 _Was that really what happened? Did you really do that?_ She wanted to ask, but thought better of it. If it was just a beautiful dream he told himself, she didn't want to take that from him.

* * *

The cold light of morning filtered through the trees, illuminating the path they came by, which was far in the distance. Takizawa had dressed her tired body in new clothes pulled from the gym bag.

_“Yikes Mado,” he said, snatching her sodden underclothes before she could attempt to put them back on, “did you piss yourself when I wasn’t looking??”_

_Akira blushed, “No! That was- you did that!”_

_“I know,” he said flippantly, with a self satisfied look._

Seidou was once again hidden under the hood of his jacket, inching ever closer to whichever part of the woods was shadier. Akira’s body felt the sleepless night, but her heart and mind were clear as if she had a full 8 hours of rest. She knew what she wanted, and she voiced it with full sincerity.

“Come with us.”

He glanced up from under his hood as he handed her the gym bag. She placed her hand over his.

“Please, Seidou.”

But his crestfallen expression twisted a knife into her heart. “You know I can’t do that.”

“ _Yes you can,"_ she squeezed his hand, "The world is a different place now. Everything has been upended. Everything has a fresh start. Including you.”

He withdrew his hand and shoved it into his pocket. With his hunched posture, one shoe kicking at the leaves, Akira was reminded of the bashful boy that first enrolled in her class.

“Where are you headed?” he asked.

“Nowhere in particular.”

He snorted. “Same.”

She stepped forward and offered her hand once more, praying he would take it. But he backed further into the shadows.

“You go,” he said. Tears burned at the edge of her eyes, when he added, “I… I can’t live as if I have any shred of culture left to me. You and Amon, you’re both- you always were- just… so fucking _stuffy_.”

Akira chuckled despite herself and patted the tears before they stained her cheeks. Then Takizawa met her gaze with a shrug, “I’ll be around.”

And he smirked. God, what a smirk. It was contagious. She searched for the right words, but all that came out was, “Good.”

He turned to go.

“Wait! How will we find you?”

At that he just furrowed his brow, playfully, and shot her the ‘I’m watching you,’ gesture. Then, noting a particular pair of damp, discarded garments, he muttered, "... and I'm taking these."

He bent down, snatched them, and shoved them into his pocket. Akira must have looked amused because he added "... No littering in a wildlife preserve."

She turned to stifle a laugh, and when she heard him leave, she fought the urge to watch- to painstakingly triangulate the direction he headed off in.

He’ll be back. That much she could trust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks. I might add more (would love to add more if and when more occurs to me), because I want some closure for these two so badly! But for now this fic can stand alone. If I add more, it will be separate fics in the same series.
> 
> This fic also borrows from another fic series I wrote in 2017, where they, like... Had a daughter and shit. Much angstier, much fluffier. It's a sloppy, time-skippy mess, but I might post it because, well. What is the internet other than a dumping ground for my disjointed daydreams?


End file.
